I REALLY NEEDED TO CALL MY DAD TODAY
"I'm going to call and ask my Dad to fix it."
"Me and my Dad are having a dinner date tomorrow"
It took me a long time to decide to write this post. I get really iffy when it comes to talking about the loss of my father because I don’t want or need anybody to pity me or feel like they have to find the right words to say. You know how black people try to comfort you, “Damn. That’s crazy. You gone be cool tho.” Or “I don’t even know what to say to you fam, I hear you though. Let me know if you need something” or they just look at you while you cry and be like “Damn. You good?" Why y'all so awkward?
I specifically remember a time when I was on the road traveling for work a few years ago. I had some downtime so I walked to a local cafe for lunch. While I was sitting there, I noticed a young mother with 2 children and an older man who she referred to as "Dad." Yes, I was that close. Yes, I was being hella nosy. No, I am not a creeper. I sat there and watched as her father interacted with her children, how the children loved on him and how she talked to him about everyday life. And all I could think was, "Wow... I am never going to be able to have that moment with my Daddy." I grabbed my coffee and left. I was jealous.
But then I thought... Forget them. Shoot, them kids was kinda bad anyway.
Although it's been almost 10 years since my father transitioned, I'm still finding myself in "first time" positions, which have been occurring more and more the older I get. At 22, I had my first graduation (college) without my dad. At 24, I bought my first car without my dad. At 25, I had my first real, actual (y'all know them high school ones was kinda fake) boyfriend that my dad never got to ask 7 million questions. At 25, I also made my first huge move (LA) without my dad. And here I am, at almost 29 and I'm like, "Dang, it's so many people who dodged getting a cap busted in they a** because my Daddy is in a better place, ain't that some sh**?"
I saw this meme yesterday and I instantly got upset because I recently had a situation like this at the beginning of the year. "First time having real car issues without my Dad."
And the messed up part about it was, they did "try" to get over on me. And I all I could think was... man, this situation would be completely different if I could just call my Dad. Meaning, the mechanics might be missing some teeth if I could just call my Dad.
Look, the moral of the story is, you never get too old to be a Daddy's girl. In my opinion, my time was cut too short and I know that I have many more "first time without my Dad" moments to come. But my Daddy ain't raise no punk and if he was here, he might be locked up anyway because y'all be trying it. But, just because he's not, doesn't mean that the rest of my family isn't a force to be reckoned with.
Aye, call y'all Daddy or father figure today and tell him you appreciate him. Yes, I know, it's women's history month but who are we without our Dad's?
Peace.
-BRIT